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  As Samuel lay down, Raven found herself staring at Benjamin instead. At his beautiful hazel eyes closing. She bolted, unable to remain and raced toward the entrance doors. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she darted, the shame of her actions crashing over her.

  “Raven!” Benjamin called her the moment she had her hands on her mask. “Raven, are you well?” He was before her, his hands weaving in her hair as he held the sides of her face.

  “I am so sorry, Benjamin. I had not intended on causing a scene and disrespecting Samuel.”

  “I did not ask you how you felt about that. I inquired if you were well.” He stared into her eyes, the greens and browns of his iris’ swirling in circles as she met his gaze.

  “I am well. I had a fright. I saw something that was not there, and despite my thoughts, it took me somewhere I was not ready to be.”

  His hand was on the small of her back, as it had been the day they had met, as he guided her back to the lift. He did not speak, and she could not fathom where it was he was ushering her off too. She was not ready to trust him, but she was suddenly reminded of her family, and the only place she wanted to be was with Benjamin Abbott, no matter what his lineage was. She didn’t want to be alone, not in the wake of loss.

  Stepping inside the lift, she leaned into him, cradling her head on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her. He was warm and alive. He was there, unlike any person ever had been in her life, save for Levi, and this was not the type of companionship she wanted from him.

  “Benjamin?”

  His mouth slanted over hers the moment the doors slid open. His body melded with hers, and together they moved from the lift. She was unsurprised they were in a corridor but shocked as he broke the kiss to open the nearest door and gestured for her to go in. He was giving her a way to leave, and though a part of her was still furious with him, she was unable to walk away and stepped into the room.

  “Benjamin.” She had no clue on what she had been about to say. He dropped a kiss to her neck, careful as he moved over the place where the stitches had been.

  “I was too consumed in myself to mention about them being gone.” He kissed the other side. “Raven, tell me to stop, and I will, but if you do not, I promise you I will take this as forgiveness.”

  She froze, placing her hands on his chest. She wasn’t certain she ever would be completely able to forgive. He had manipulated her, and though she had not fallen into his arms because he was Christopher Abbott, it had felt incredibly deceptive of him.

  “Benjamin, I cannot say that I forgive you. I can merely say that what drove me from that ceremony was the premise it was you lying upon that cloth, breathing your last breaths. I feel for you more than I should. I can continue this dance with you, but I cannot promise I forgive you.” Not as of yet.

  His gaze steeled over, his mouth pressing into a thin line, so unlike any expression she had witnessed on his visage previously. The expression vanished as quickly as it had taken hold of Benjamin’s face. His hands played at the strings on the back of her gown, grazing her with a tantalizing promise as he did so.

  “I will take that. For the moment, I can think of no other I wish to have by my side. I accept that you need time, and I promise, the day you are ready to forgive me, I will be there.”

  The coolness of the quarters caressed her shoulders as the gown was slipped down her body, revealing her white corset and knickers. Benjamin’s sharp intake of breath drew a flush to her face.

  “When last we did this, you were not in the garb of a society woman.” He looked at her, his grim appearance fading into one of a man who hungered. “It is more becoming than anything I have ever laid my eyes on.” He moved behind her then, and she felt his fingers nimbly undoing hook after hook until the undergarment fell off her chest and to the floor.

  His hands cupped her bosom from where he stood behind her before she spun, locking their lips together as her fingers moved to his clothing. She had never undressed a man in elegant garb, and she stumbled until his hands guided hers. He was wearing nothing save for his knickers when her hands stopped, and she linked her hands behind his neck.

  It would be terribly comfortable to find a way to forgive, but she wasn’t ready. She was prepared for him and to rid her mind of the fearful image of his death. That was all this could be.

  As he lifted her in his arms, her legs wrapped around him out of instinct and desire. Benjamin Abbott had been a villain, he had hurt her in a way no other person had done, but he was also trying terribly hard to undo the damage, and she knew if they continued, he would at some point, find a way to break away the walls she built.

  Pleasure swirled through her body, banishing any thoughts of right and wrong. There was only him and her, no lies, no death. Her eyes slid closed, and all she could feel was him.

  Just desire.

  He lifted her, still in her knickers and lay her gently down on the small bed. It was soft beneath her head despite being of far lesser quality than she was used too and lacking a pillow. His body lingered over hers, and then she felt a hand drift over her bare thigh, drawing a small moan from her at the contact, and broke their kiss.

  Benjamin’s hand trailed higher, slipping beneath the frills of her knickers. The warmth of his hand heated her body in more ways than one, and her eyes opened as he trailed a whisper-soft touch over her folds. Benjamin leaned down before she could say anything and captured her lips in a kiss.

  Her body reacted immediately, tugging him down to her, deepening their kiss until she was dizzy from the urges she had. As their tongues played together, their bodies began to move in a slow and sensual gyration. He felt so real, so warm.

  So present.

  His hands continued to roam her body, light touches that were barely there as if he too were afraid she would break from past injuries or the fear that sent her racing from the ceremony. They tickled her and teased her senses. Raven wasn't sure she would be able to last through his touches. Benjamin’s erect prick pressed against her, through both their undergarments. Another moan drew from her, coupled with a groan from him that sent her body on edge, so near a release that had barely been teased out.

  Breaking their kiss, she placed one along his jaw, panting hard as he played against her flesh. She wanted to touch him, to feel him, but he caught her hand in his and held it above her head, grinning at her, as he had done their first time. His fingers moved against her as her hips rocked against his hand, whimpers filling the room. Pleasure coiled tightly in her stomach.

  “Please,” Raven whispered against his lips as her body continued to roll from his touch. She wanted to feel him inside her and slipped her hand under the band of his knickers and stroked his thick member before he took them down and stepped out of them.

  He rose from her, leaving her cold and alone. When he returned, it was to place the parchment wrapper in her hand. They had not used one previously, but she was impressed he sought to protect them. Eyes locking, she tore the protective package and stopped stroking his prick. Sliding it over, she smiled at the way his hips bucked under her touch as she rolled the condom over his length.

  “I’m sorry, Benjamin.”

  “I am sorry, Raven.” He kissed her, a gentle graze of his lips over hers, and then he helped guide her hand on his shaft to her body. The knuckles on his left hand grazed over his stomach before he took her knickers down. His lips pressed against her knee as he slid them over, and another on the top of her foot once he’d slipped them off.

  The chamber was gone then, and all that mattered was the feel of him as he moved with her. Her leg slowly grazed up his body, changing the angle and drawing a gasp from her at the delightful pressure. Together they moved. There was no him and her, and there was no her pleasure or his. They were just one. Every motion of their hips was in tandem.

  Her breathing hitched as he drove into her, his pace increasing as their desires rose. Raven’s mouth parted as her head fell break, ending their kiss. Benjamin did not seek to find her mou
th her again, and he only continued to thrust into her.

  Over and over, they moved and moaned, taking their fill of one another until she was unable to contain herself any longer. Benjamin’s name did not tear past her lips, but her body did grow stiff as the release crested through her. She felt the tremble of pleasure as it began and did not stop Benjamin as he thrust into her, allowing her body to milk his as her orgasm rolled through her. Raven was uncertain of when he shattered as she had, but her pants for air were joined by his at some point, and she looked at him, at the sweat beading on his brow, and she nuzzled her head against his.

  She had spent nearly a fortnight running from him, from his lies. Yet she knew that was likely in the past. Christopher Abbott had truthfully been a name and nothing more. Benjamin Abbott was the passionate, determined man she had known.

  “I am uncertain if I can forgive what you did.” Her voice was low as she spoke. “However, I feel as if it is time I begin to try. I cannot presume to know where we will go from here, but I was insincere when I said our device would be all we had.” She drew her hand down his face. “I need time, but my fear of losing you is too palpable to ignore.”

  Again, he captured her lips with his, though only briefly. “Those might be the most beautiful words you have spoken since you first opened your eyes in my presence.” He smiled against her neck. “If you find it appropriate, I should like us to stay like this for just a few moments longer.”

  “I would like that, Benjamin Abbott.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Raven couldn’t shake the sensation of pins and needles racing throughout her body. It was as if she had cut off circulation, though she had been standing for the better part of an hour.

  “Standing and pacing.”

  She needed to remain busy, or her mind would likely explode. She did not handle death well, and Samuel’s death still weighed on her like murder. As did bedding Benjamin shortly after. All she had thought of was a world without him, as the world was now without Samuel. It had been foolish, and it had left her cold when she’d been without him for the past day as the train was outfitted. He belonged in her world, but she knew if she did not find a way past his lie, they would only end up tearing one another down.

  Watching as the life drained from Samuel had been the hardest experience she had ever witnessed. Her brothers had not allowed her to see her mother, and she understood why. Her eyes had immediately locked on Benjamin’s, and so much of her anger had vanished because Benjamin was a decent, remarkably smart, and attractive man.

  “And now you are left pacing the corridors waiting for word.”

  Upon returning to the guild, she had learned her metalworkers had purchased the necessary materials at the docks, and work on the train had begun while she’d been at the Electric Guild. They had insisted on working throughout the night, which meant they had only the small depot near the test tracks to keep them safe.

  She’d hardly slept at all, between feeling the loss of Samuel and her worry for her men and women. So many had perished because she had given terrible orders, that she had been unable to stomach the idea she had failed to provide an order that would have saved lives. However, when the sun had breached the horizon, and she had reached out, all the workers had been safe.

  Which brought her to the moment she faced now. In due time, the adjustments would be complete. She had already been notified when a member of the Electric Guild had arrived with the precious heat bulbs. She waited in the corridor of the train station, doing her best to remain out of the way as she had no welding skills to her name.

  “You are going to wear a hole in the floor.” Benjamin’s voice called to her from the other side of the corridor.

  “I do not understand how you can remain so calm.”

  “I would be remiss if I did not mention our time together yesterday is a wonderful reason why.”

  Raven stopped pacing, uncertain if he was poking fun at her or looking deeper into their encounter than she was ready to do. “Benjamin, I am not yet ready for jests on our situation.”

  “Very well, however, whether you are ready or not, finding release is rather calming . . . I should think for a woman too. Unless there are matters we need to speak of.”

  “I cannot believe that is what you are thinking of at this moment, whether I enjoyed myself as much as you did.”

  He shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eye matched the smirk on his face. “I am still a man Raven. I am still very much certain what I did can be forgiven.”

  “And I am still a woman and in slight disagreement.”

  He began to walk toward her, his expression shifting slightly to reveal his concern over her words. “Raven, you cannot tell me you lay with me purely out of grief, that any willing body would have done. You could not have changed your feelings in the brief moments we spent apart. No matter what my transgressions are.”

  Say it. The uncharitable retort would not pass her lips. She had gone to him because the idea of his death had driven her into his arms. No other man would do, possibly not ever.

  “No, Benjamin. I do not want to continue this . . . relationship with lies. I watched Samuel, and I was consumed with thoughts of it being you. I needed you at that moment. I have never been loose with my emotions or my body, and I am unable to deny that had you not lied to me, we could have been something wonderful together, in time. I am unable to deny that I cannot shake you from my mind, and if you do not push, I believe I may one day let go of how we met before the king.”

  His hands clutched his hair as his disgruntled moan cut through the space. “Raven, I cannot tell you enough that it was done to protect my guild. I would have told the same lie if you had been a man!”

  His anguish mixed with anger, and it began to stir a cord in her as well. They had done this conversion, and Raven had no interest in repeating it. “If you continue to pester me, I assure you that once this railway test is done, you will not see any of the Steam Guild again.” She did not mean the words, she knew that, but she did not need for him to continue to speak to her on matters that were of little import compared to what they waited on.

  She watched as he blew out a breath, and his body sagged back to the floor, his hands clenched together and dangling between his knees. “I’m sorry, Raven. I am beside myself over this because I had not expected you. I was happy tinkering away and doing my best to offer hope to humankind. Then I nearly ran you over, and the moment I saw you, I felt something in me change. I am not a man who finds himself internally conflicted, and I do not mean to pressure you.”

  It was impossible not to believe his words with how heavy with sorrow they were. It was hard for her to not move to him. Every time he spoke of her, it was as if she were the most significant person in the world to him, and a part of her wanted to be. To matter to a man as brilliant, well to do, and handsome as Benjamin was all so many women would seek to be in life.

  Yet, it was not something she was ready to contend with. She was not equipped to handle falsehoods. Secrets she had grown with, but never lies. Every time she wanted to forgive him, she merely found herself angrier than the first time because there was no longer the shock of betrayal to buffer against the anger of it.

  “I believe you. I care for you more than I should given your betrayal. I am simply not in a position to trust you at this moment. The world would be darker without you in it, and if you give me the time I need, there is no telling what partnership we could form, what help we could bring from our work together.”

  He rose, his shoulder smacking harshly into the door before he stepped to her and crowded her against the end of the hall. “You speak of a business relationship that might come to pass when you have deemed me worthy. I speak of a romantic partnership that would put other romances to shame. They are not one and the same.”

  “I apologize for misleading you. I apologize that I am as distraught over our situation as you because I cannot seem to forget the man that was beginning to capture my heart. I have ma
de my peace with your truth, and I know that I care deeply for you. I know why you spoke falsely, I am simply unable to do more than accept my feelings for you are there and work to a point where I can trust you.”

  We made a mistake last eve, a blissful, wondrous mistake, but one that I was not ready for. I cannot merely forget what was done, no matter how my heart tells me to. I need time. We must go slow. The words were on the tip of her tongue but would not pass her lips.

  “Lady Nightingale, Lord Abbott? We are ready for you.” Tolen, a young mechanic, poked his head into the hall only long enough to deliver his message.

  “It would appear we have more pressing matters to tend to.” His tone was cold, and he did not wait for her but stepped into the loading bay of the train station.

  “There’s no need to be rude.” Scoffing, she cinched her skirt and rushed after him, oddly concerned they would test it out without her present.

  The train itself hardly appeared any different. The same black body was splotchy with orange rust patches from the rainy London weather, and though it was only the engine and one car, nothing appeared remiss.

  In fact, had she not heard the soldering herself, she would not believe the bulbs had been installed. Yet the train featured not one, but five of the heat bulbs on the two cars. The biggest was the main light at the head of the train, the one that lit its path and would do the most damage if they were successful. The passenger car featured two on each side, replacing where the emblematic vision lights were, but if one looked closely, they could see the lights faced out and not down toward the tracks.

  “Are we certain there is enough filament to create this many bulbs per train?”

  Benjamin raised a brow as he turned to face her. “Are you questioning my plans, or is this merely part of the trust issues?”

  Air blew out her nose as she tried her best not to sigh, he was being more sensational than she when she learned the truth. “Benjamin, do not be difficult.”